top of page

The Dick Pic: What Are You Doing Fellow Men? Are You Retar... Err, Mentally Touched?

If you have ever sent an unsolicited dick pic to a fellow human being, especially in a sexual manner, then allow me to answer that question posed in the title. Yes, yes you are, you stupid rapey bag of douche.

I have talked to and overheard many women speak on this topic, enough of them actually, that I honestly believe that a majority of women have received some form of unsolicited pic of the dick. It is like a constant part of being a woman is the threat of a trouser snake photo assaulting you anytime you open your phone.

Being a man, I can't help but feel like I need to apologize on behalf of other men when I hear about it. Being a man, I am fucking baffled by what the hell is going on in someone's head when they send these photos. I want to believe that the men that do this are within a tiny little majority and are just doing this dick pic thing with such fervor and time dedication that it is a full time job for them. However, the frequency in which unsolicited dick pics assault the phones, emails, etc. of others makes me think otherwise. While I have yet to have an in person conversation with someone who has sent one, I do believe that much like a Nickelback fan, there are fucking millions of them and they are probably hiding in plain site.

Being as baffled as I am by this whole cultural phenomena, I have often thought about the reasoning behind it. Much like a criminal analyst will try to get into the mind of serial killers, I have attempted to get into the mind of waste of space douche bags, and I've just come out of it needing a shower and feeling more upset. So, instead, I will take to the Google and find actual answers and discuss them in an immature and angry manner.

Before we proceed, let me just say that for anyone I have offended or will offend going forward, I'm sorry. For the most part. I say for the most part because if you are someone who has sent an unsolicited dick pic and are offended by what is being said, then I not only withdraw my apology, but I kindly ask you to go fuck yourself and then go die in a fire.

THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP THAT CAN BE GIVEN: The only time a dick pic is okay, and let me repeat that, the only fucking time a dick pic is okay is when it has been directly asked for.

Real Life Answers From Men Who Send Dick Pics, Lets Make Fun Of Them.

As I had originally expected when attempting to contemplate on the reasons why a man child would send a picture of their fleshy bits to an unsuspecting victim, they all very, and all of the reasons are stupid.

First: The Self Aware Power Tripper:

“I used to send dick pics to basically anyone who would have them… It's definitely an expression of power in some sense. It's the epitome of your masculinity; it's what makes you a man — what good am I but it?” John, 34

Okay, John... adult of the age of 34 who has lived 34 years on this earth. What good are you but your masculinity that is only directly expressed via your penis? What good are you? Are you kidding me? Sirs of the world, if you look at yourself and come to the conclusion that all that defines you as a person is your crotch, then get help. You are obviously going through a large identity crisis and much like some crazy people identify themselves as a cat or a mermaid, you seem to identify yourself as a large penis. You're a penis-kin, and that's not okay.

Next up: The Confused Sociopath:

“I’ve mostly sent [dick pics] after a few flirtations back and forth with girls I’ve met online who seemed to want to hook up. Who wouldn’t want to be sent free porn? I like pictures of vaginas from women. Why don't women like pictures of penises? I don't get it .” Gerry, 23

“Any guy who’s watched porn would not be fazed by random boob and vagina pics. So, why are women so offended by a random dick pic?” Roger, 31

Why don't women like pictures of penises? Why are women so offended by a random dick pic? You mother fucking piece of sh... Okay... before I go on a tangent of curse words, let take this in a different direction. One of the most common traits of a sociopath and a psychopath is the inability to see the world from another's point of view and having a lack of empathy. So, if you think that men and women live broadly in the same frame of minds regarding randomly exposed naked bits, especially in the society we have grown up in and currently live in, then you are either very dumb or very mentally ill. No joking around, it is one of those two.

Lastly: The Mass Blaster Dim Wit

“There’s a numbers game involved here. It’s so easy to mass blast pictures to women on your list. If you show your penis to 100 women...maybe one of them [will think], ‘That’s a good-looking guy and a good-looking penis. I’m going to go have sex with him.’ I’ve seen people do much worse things at bars and score,” Tom, 25

Oh, there we go, that's a fucking wonderful plan. Go ahead and sexually assault a hundred women, just on the off chance one will like it. While we are at it, let's go ahead and beat a hundred people with whips on the off chance that one is into some hardcore BDSM. Also, let's go ahead and line up a hundred people and shoot them all in the head, just on the off chance one was suicidal and will be thankful. You've seen people do worse at bars? Have any examples? Because I fail to believe that, unless you once went to a bar back in the wild west and got to see a murder and rape once a week.


You know... I hope and I dream for social change. We've done some great things these last hundred years. We've given everyone the right to vote regardless of race and sex. We have ended segregation, we have legalized gay marriage. We have grown as a society, and history shows that the only acceptable path forward is inclusion. All that stand against that path eventually lose, and that's a great and positive thing. Sometimes though, sometimes... there are reminders of how far we have to go. The fucking unsolicited dick pic and the baffled responses by the senders on why it is so wrong is just one of the many.

So, dudes, fucking stop, for the sake of our societies growth, stop it.

Recent Posts
Follow Us
  • Facebook Basic Square
bottom of page