Procrastination Rears Its Stupid Head: Getting Things Done Is Hard.
You know, I wanted this whole week to be successful based on arbitrary guidelines that I set for myself, I wanted this theme of spooky horror fear based concepts to flow all week since it is almost Halloween, and I wanted to get four posts up this week. I want to get at least four posts up every week, because I feel like I should have goals. Goals are good, right? Yet, here I am, writing about non-horror based subjects of contemplativeness, words are hard.
I am once again writing about procrastination, mainly because I have gotten to a point of serious frustration with myself today and the need to write about that trumps all other subjects. My constant war of balancing things I need to do, things I want to do, and things I should do made me stop in my tracks, laugh at myself, and decide to fuck all other plans until I write about the stupid of the situation.
I've talked about how this whole website is an outlet for me, a sort of self therapy that works by taking a topic of somewhat troubling nature that is in my head, writing about it, making it funny, then ending with something somewhat positive. By getting things in my head out onto a public forum that tests my writing skills, my "art" skills, and my organizational skills has left me feeling free and pleased with myself everyday I accomplish that goal, but much like the gym, just because it is good for me, doesn't mean I want to do it, and because I'm very good at personal manipulation, I don't.
I find that line of thinking baffling, and it is -my- damn line of thinking. Let's talk about today. I knew I wanted to write something, I wasn't sure what, but I had a theme in mind for the week. Perhaps I'd jump into what causes fear, why trauma happens and why it has so much control over our actions, maybe the history of Halloween, you know, something like that, something festive. First though, I had to dig into some of the work that actually pays me money then after that, I had some decisions to make. You see, I had also given myself this goal to start reading helpful books. The first book I chose for this is Getting Things Done, by David Allen (so much irony incoming) and I decided I would read some of that, then get onto the post.
I kept feeling myself getting distracted from the book because I had a lot pulling at my mind. I wanted to watch YouTube, I wanted to do some more pay worthy work, I wanted to work on this site, I wanted to think about life troubles in an obsessive manner so I could continue to make myself angrier at some current happenings. Now that I said happenings, I'm thinking about the movie, The Happening, and getting mad about how dumb that movie is. It was the fucking plants... seriously?
Anyway, a funny thing about this Getting Things Done book is that it fucking knows you are doing this. It asks you a bit over half-way through the first chapter if you felt distracted while reading the book and found yourself thinking of other things while trying to read about how you stop distracting yourself. It knows... it knows I suck.
So, I try to get my head back into the book by taking some personal inventory of the distractions, and then decided I want to work on a post about wanderlust. Wanderlust is something I've been dealing with quite a lot lately and I wanted to analyze the why of it. Anyway, I had a topic, I had something of a title and a first paragraph, but then decided I hadn't read enough of this book and wanted to use it to take better inventory of my head. I mean, I only barely got through the first chapter, the damn introduction of the method at best.
I ended up reading the first paragraph of the second chapter three damn times, because I was thinking about wanderlust. I also wanted to watch some funny videos, but I wont let myself do that until I've written a post, but I don't want to write a post because I want to read more of this Getting Things Done book. I can write a post when I've read more of this book that is helping me organize my life and relieve stress, yet I struggle reading the book because I feel like I have to write something and I want to watch stupid funny videos that I love, so, I'm fucking stressed. I'm caught in a loop and doing nothing effectively when all I'm trying to do is make the way I handle my life more effective and fulfilling. I put myself into these loops a lot, it has been especially present as of late now that I'm putting plans in place and yelling at myself internally to follow those plans. I realize there is work to get done to make some fundamental changes and feel better about the way my life plays out, yet I'm just getting more distracted by my wants since I've added more on my "should" do plate. I couldn't help but find the whole situation dumb. I'm reading a book that is called Getting Things Done, but restricting myself from getting things done until I've read more of that book, while also being distracted from the book by wanting to get things done, and then getting frustrated by this distraction until I want to do neither and end up doing nothing at all. Though, not today! Instead I wrote about it. HAHA, the win is mine, brain, fuck you!
Not everything I put up here is going to be well researched and about something specific, because sometimes just getting shit out of my head makes it no longer there and able to distract me. Hopefully, I also give a couple people a laugh in the process. Break the cycle! And hopefully I have by writing this. I got something done, so now I can go read more about getting things done better, or watch a stupid funny video.
Yeah, probably the latter.